Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
