Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize