omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
