If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
