Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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