I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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