Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
