let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There are leaves in my underwear?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
