I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
