he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
