her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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