He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
