Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
