Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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