it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
