A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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