I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
