That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
