god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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