A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize