I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
