This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize