Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
