She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We left the knife in your bed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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