Where is the hickey?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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