just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize