how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
smell my finger.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
