how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Hippo gnu deer
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
