Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
