we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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