Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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