so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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