I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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