Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
