If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
