Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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