My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
