I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize