12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
