did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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