I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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