Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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