We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize