Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
