You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
