I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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