Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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