she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
