Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize