is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
