sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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