it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
