He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
