Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
