I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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