Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
