GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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