True but thats because hes a fetus.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can't put those talents on a resume
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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