What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
