Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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