just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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