I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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