Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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