First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
