my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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