Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
