Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
