Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
