just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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