he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
