I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize