We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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