dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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