and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
