is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
