If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
